Becoming Transparent

God has been calling me to become more transparent so that people can find healing through my wounds. It's a bit scary to be honest. We all have hurts and troubles in life. It doesn't matter who you are, how much money you have, or what you do for a living. We all have struggles. Today I share with you the deepest hurt in my life. At a time in my life when I didn't know how to move on or get out of pit I was in. 

Most of you that are reading this know that I have a YouTube channel called Acres of Clay Homestead. If you've followed me for any length of time you'd see that I share quite a bit about my life. The happenings of the farm, projects that we are working on, gardening, our children and so on. But... there is one thing that I haven't shared.  One of my children, Quin. 

Many will ask, why not? To that I say, sometimes our stories in life are hard. We all have challenges, downfalls and vulnerabilities. Sometimes it's just easier to say nothing at all, that way you won't have to answer the hard questions, or be ridiculed. Saying nothing at all keep us safe from those that pass judgment, or say hurtful things. Truth is, I wanted to protect, wanted to spare reading or hearing words that sting. 

Today, April 9th I share with you all that on August 27, 2021 my Quin passed away. I was broken, hurt, numb, empty, my heart ached so badly. I had all the questions and even at one point I put the blame on God. I say all this because I know I'm not alone. Many of you reading this have gone through similiar situations. No matter the age, whether young or old, no parent should ever have to bury their child. 

If we lose a spouse we are called a widow or widower. If a child loses it's parents, it's called an orphan. But, there is no word for those that lose a child. There's nothing but emptiness left in our hearts. We try to find things that fill the void, but things can't bring us joy. The only thing that will truly bring us joy again is giving God all of our hurts, all the pain and brokeness.            

One thing I found is, when people lose a loved one or someone real close to them, we often put the blame on God. I remember shortly after Quin died, I shut myself in my bedroom, and I started asking God "why did you let this happen?  I started quoting scripture back to God..."The Bible says with LONG life I will satisfy you." (This is something we confess over all our children.) Quin didn't have a long life. It didn't take much time for God to remind me that He isn't the author of death. He comes to give us life. He brought me to John 10:10 ..."The thief (enemy) comes only to steal and kill and destroy." 

 If you can relate, or if you're hurting in some way, I encourage you to draw closer to God. Don't blame him, or push him out of your life all together.  He wants to be your comfort! He said He will NEVER leave us, or forsake us.

I've come to realize that sharing my story may help someone else. Sometimes when we go through something hard - it's actually for someone else. People are watching us... They're looking to see how we handle hardships. I could have choosen to fall into a deep depression, or I could rise above it all and be stronger than before. The choice is ours, because Happiness is a Choice. I chose rise above my pain and to pour the love that I had for Quin into hurting people.

May this bless you today...